


Or even better, for eternity

by Rauz



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Naughtiness, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rauz/pseuds/Rauz
Summary: Bernie has a bad feeling.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	Or even better, for eternity

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was kindly suggested by Aviest over on Tumblr and I felt strangely inspired by the lyrics and her vision of the song. 
> 
> Thanks again to Bat_and_Breakfast for her invaluable beta-ing.

_ Song lyrics: I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not aware That you can't sleep at night when I am not there /.../ Sorry for the things that I did not say Like how you are the best thing in my world And how I'm so proud to call you my girl _

* * *

Bernie has a bad feeling.

She's been having a bad feeling for the last few days now. She hates that boiling, churning sensation in her gut, that shiver coming up her spine, telling her that something bad is going to happen.

She's had that feeling, this strong undeniable instinct, three other times in her life.

On her wedding day when she felt she had a boulder in lieu of her stomach. The day she met Alex when swallowing her own saliva made her feel like she was going to choke. And the day their bubble and jeep were blown up by some peculiar reality check called an IED.

So, naturally she learned to listen to that instinct. To not simply dismiss it like you dismiss old ladies' tales. And right now, that instinct is telling her to go home, ASAP.

  
  


Less than twenty four hours later, she finds herself in Holby, in front of the hospital where the cab has just dropped her. Where fate had dropped her, three years ago.

She takes a deep breath. She'd like to say that she's happy to be home, and part of her certainly is, but she is too anxious to really feel it.

Having packed in a hurry means she only has her trusty hold-all with her, so summoning all of her inner strength, she shoulders her bag and makes her way to AAU. She smiles to the familiar faces as much as her state permits and wonders if the corridor has always been that long, or if her present state of mind is changing her perception of things.

Finally she arrives at the ward's doors and a nurse that was coming out recognizes her and lets her enter with a polite smile. She stops right before the side window of the consultants' office and takes a slow look around.

Serena is at the nurses' station with Donna, their backs towards Bernie. They're both slightly hunched over the desk, probably discussing a patient's case. She takes a few steps towards them before addressing Serena softly.

“Hello stranger.”

Serena turns around in a flash, her face a mixture of surprise and tenderness. Bernie’s name comes out in a breath before she takes the final steps to close the distance between them and hugs her tightly. Strangely, that makes Bernie breathe a little bit easier.

Not releasing her completely, Serena takes a tiny step back to look at Bernie’s face.

“Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”

Bernie tries to smile, thinks that she could just forget what made her get on the first available plane to London, could just focus on the feeling of Serena in her arms, but she knows that she’d only temporarily succeed in doing that.

Looking at Serena's neck and mouth like she usually does when she's feeling uneasy, she tries to formulate her thoughts in a coherent and hopefully inoffensive manner.

“I felt like... like you were... getting away from me.”

Her voice is low and definitely not as strong as she'd like it to be.

Serena sighs, knowing this moment has been coming for a while and that she, or more exactly they, cannot avoid it anymore.

“Let's not do this here,” Serena says. That's when Bernie almost sheepishly realises that they're still in the middle of the ward, with Donna a few steps away, acting like the very uninterested gossip that she is.

“I'll come find you if and when I need you,” the nurse declares with a wink to Bernie.

Taking her hand, Serena drags Bernie into the office, closes the door firmly behind them and makes them both sit on the sofa.

“This is new,” Bernie remarks. “The perks of being a consultant I guess.”

The quip falls somewhat flat and barely manages to get a smile out of Serena.

“Ok,” she says, shaking her fringe to the side and turning fully towards her quiet partner, placing her right leg on the sofa. She absent-mindedly picks at the creases of her jeans for a few seconds before she starts to speak again. “So, like I said, I feel like we're, well you're sliding away from me. And... and, and well - are you?” She finishes lamely, not even able to look at the woman she loves.

“No, I'm not,” Serena states firmly.

“I feel a 'but' coming.”

“ _ But _ it's difficult being your partner when you're in a different country and focused on your work to the point that I sometimes, most of all these past few weeks, feel like I don't matter to you anymore.”

Bernie tries to interrupt her, but Serena stops her by taking her hand.

“Let me finish, please. It's like you're two different people. Here you're all loving and attentive, over there you barely answer my texts and emails and you can't even manage to skype me half the time. And before you say anything, being busy is no excuse.”

“I told you I was rubbish at this,” Bernie reminds her with a self-deprecating smile.

“Well, being forewarned doesn't make up for being hurt.”

Still holding Serena's hand, Bernie drops her head and hides behind her fringe. This is what she feared and definitely not what she wanted.

“I'm sorry, I'll try and do better.”

“I don't want you to  _ try _ , Bernie.”

Because those words sound even more like a guilty verdict than the previous ones, Bernie raises her head, her eyes full of panic boring into Serena's.

“Are you breaking up with me? Again?”

“No,” she answers with a tired laugh, “but I need you to be better at communicating. I need to feel like you still love me. You still love me, don't you?”

Bernie almost feels outraged at that before realising that from Serena's point of view, it might have looked like she was getting tired of their relationship. Almost desperately she lets go of Serena's hand before gently, but firmly grabbing both sides of her face and bringing them close together.

“Of course I love you!”

She's steadfast in her affirmation.

“I... I - you're the love of my life. I-”

Almost out of breath, she opts to simply touch her forehead to Serena's.

“Then act like it.”

The tone is soft but the words are anything but. To Bernie's scared mind they sound like another ultimatum, so she does the only thing she can think of, she kisses Serena like it's the last time, like the soldier she was, and still is on the inside, going to war.

If this is her last chance to taste Serena, she sure as hell is going to make it count.

She lunges at Serena's lips, makes her fall backwards in the process, landing on top of her. Her naughty mind can't help but think that she loves lying on top of Serena.

The kiss is messy and powerful. It's noisy and frantic and passionate and very much not suitable for work. But it's so good, especially after four months apart, they don't even want to think about stopping.

Hands slip underneath clothes and slide against warm skin. Nails scrape over arched backs. Hips grind together. Moans and groans are getting less quiet and subdued.

“God, I missed you so much,” Serena pants.

“I missed you too. I love you, I swear, I love you,” Bernie whispers against Serena's neck, too far gone to care about the fact that her voice is wobbly with desire and restrained tears as well.

Bernie's head is suddenly pulled up by Serena who meshes a hand in Bernie’s hair and brings their mouths back together. Her other hand grabs Bernie's bottom as she tries to bring their hips even closer together. She responds by pushing her thigh harder against Serena, delighting in the soft whimper she causes. Delighting in Serena's warmth and sensuality when she had thought everything would end today.

Her own hands are far from idle either. Pushing Serena's vest up to fondle her breasts, she brings one of the cups down before bending to take the nipple in her mouth and then between her teeth. The sinfully sexy moan she gets from Serena is probably far from discreet but again, she doesn't care. She loves Serena's breasts and nothing, especially not the ward outside, is going to stop her from sampling their sweet taste once more.

Bernie realises that the grinding seems to intensify. Serena pushes harder and harder against her thigh so she lifts her head to look at her face. Her rosy cheeks, her lips opened in pleasure, her dark gaze. She's magnificent.

“I'm close,” she confirms in a breath.

Bernie's answer is a feral grin as she intensifies the friction on Serena's center. She kisses her harder before murmuring “Then come for me.” into her mouth.

That seems to be enough for Serena whose back suddenly arches as a strangled cry frees itself from her throat. The view is too much for Bernie, she climaxes in turn and collapses on top of Serena. They both stay still for a while, shuddering and breathing harshly against each other's necks.

When they come back down, Bernie is delighted to hear Serena's laugh. Anchoring her left elbow on the sofa, she holds her head up to look at her girlfriend with a smile of her own.

“Why do I always seem to be breaking all my workplace rules with you?”

“Because you are,” Bernie confirms smugly.

“My goodness, I'll never be able to look at the sofa again without blushing,” Serena states with an adorable grin, making Bernie's goose honk come forth.

“Glad I could help make that otherwise drab piece of furniture more interesting.”

Her smugness is reaching a whole new level, something that amuses Serena greatly even as she rewards it with a light slap on Bernie’s behind.

“We really should get presentable again.”

That makes Bernie growl in disapproval.

“What,” Serena asks, “do you really want someone to come in here and get an eyeful of my assets?”

“No, those are mine.” She growls again, cupping Serena's right breast fully in her hand, making her blush anew. “You - all of you is mine.”

“Well, in that case, I suggest we relocate home, to our very big and comfortable bed for round two.”

Her husky voice and the delightful suggestion make Bernie jump up from the sofa in a move that her back probably won't thank her for. She straightens her clothes and hair as inconspicuously as possible given that she's standing in front of a window. Wisely Serena chooses to do so still seated on the sofa. When she does get up, Bernie kisses her softly, well aware of the implications of everything that happened today.

Bringing up her right hand, she caresses Serena's left cheek softly with the back of her hand. She takes her time, looking at her lovely face. She could have lost everything today.

She could have lost the right to put a smile on those lips, to kiss them. She could have lost the right to push her hands into that silky hair, to grab a fistful of it in the heat of passion. She could have lost a big part of herself.

“I really am sorry, you know.”

Taking Bernie's hand and nuzzling her face into it, Serena sighs. It strangely is part heaviness, part contentment.

“I know. But we do need to talk some more, and maybe put some guidelines in place. Look, you love taking risks - at work, playing poker, and my least favorite of all, driving your car like a maniac - but you can't risk our relationship, Bernie. You can't take chances on us. We are not in limbo like when I was travelling the world to forget my grief. We're in a committed relationship, and that implies an effort from the both of us.”

Bernie nods her head shyly.

“Now, I made the effort to understand that you are busy, even though at the end there - well, let's not dwell on that-” she shakes her head, “so what I'm going to ask you, among other things, is that you make some time for me. Maybe not everyday, but at least a text or something - just something, anything, to let me know that you are okay first of all, because - I do get very anxious imagining all sorts of things-”

There Bernie interrupts her.

“Oh darling, no... I- shit, I didn't think - well, obviously...”

“I know you didn't, that's what I'm saying. Think of this from my point of view, at least once a week maybe,” she asks wryly.

Looking at the ceiling, Bernie lets out a loud sigh.

“I do think about you, you know. Quite a lot in fact.”

Serena hums knowingly.

“Mind out of the gutter, Campbell,” she adds looking straight into Serena’s lovely brown eyes again. “I’m not only thinking of you at night, alone in my cold bed. Although, I do that too.”

They exchange smirks.

“I should bloody hope so,” Serena purrs in her most suggestive voice.

“No worries there.”

And to prove her point, she lets her hands wander along Serena's hips and bottom.

“No worries at all,” she growls and Serena can't help but kiss her again.

When they break apart, Bernie reminds her that they were about to go home and work on round two.

Serena's answer is a saucy smile as she goes to get her coat and bag.

“Come on then. It's late enough that I don't feel guilty about leaving. That and the fact that I've accrued days and days of overtime,” she shrugs.

Bernie hums softly in acquiescement. They're both very good at burying their heads in their work to forget everything that hurts.

Entwining their fingers she leads them both out of the office.

They find Donna still at the nurses' station, the smirk to end all smirks on her face, and blushing something fierce, Serena informs her that they're going home.

“Good! Have fun!” She responds cheekily.

They can't help but smile at the good-natured teasing before leaving the ward.

Bernie's bad feeling is gone and because she can't imagine not being with Serena, she hopes it's gone forever.

Or even better, for eternity.


End file.
